Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
