Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
