I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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