this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
