Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
