So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
