The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
