omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
