apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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