WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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