i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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