can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
