There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
