I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize