K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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