My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
