somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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