hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
