im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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