i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can I color on your dick again?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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