please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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