I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
