Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
