I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
