Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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