So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
