I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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