do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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