i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
