i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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