like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I supernannyed him into submission
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
