Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
