I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
