dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize