I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
