Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize