Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
