I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
