I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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