I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
