he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize