hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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