I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
