I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
