Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize