you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
