He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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