I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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