We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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