she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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