remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
