people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's even glitter on my cock...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
