I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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