Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize