arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize