I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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