I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
