My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
