Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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