Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize