fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How's work?
Spinning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
