I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
