All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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