so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
