im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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