Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
