So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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