I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As shirtless as possible
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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