Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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