you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
