I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Terrible idea I love it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize