I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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