I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
