dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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