I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
